Thank you 2024…

Before I rush into the new year I wanted to record some thoughts about 2024.

In the Summer of 2023 I spent a week walking in the Peak District. It rained. A lot! Giving myself a day off wet-walking, I caught the train to Sheffield and came across a pop-up art gallery featuring work by print-maker James Green who has been creating random donkey prints for many years… In February 2024, I saw that he had a new print available ‘the donkey leap’ and as I looked at it, something stirred in me and I found myself crying. It made me cry every time I looked at it. I took it as a sign that I needed to have this piece of art on my wall to remind me to be brave – something I have never felt. And so 2024 became my year of trying to be braver.

My first act of bravery was signing up to join a group walking the North Wales Pilgrims Way in May. I can find groups of people quite scary so whilst this might not seem like an act of bravery, to me this was HUGE! There were many times when I nearly talked myself out of going, but I kept looking at the donkey leaping off a tall cliff and knew that I wanted to leap too. And it was probably one of the most life-affecting things I have done.

It wasn’t all positive, but joining this walk changed me in so many ways. I remembered that I was physically strong again (after three rounds of surgery for breast cancer between 2020-23) and that it was ok to just be me. I met two people on the walk who have both touched my heart in very profound ways – thank you Ben & Jane. I was reminded to look for joy and play in everyday moments. I fell in love with North Wales & know it will feature in my future. I fell in love with my doggo too! Not that I didn’t love him already, but he was such an incredible pilgrim-dog and I’m so glad I got to share those weeks with him, especially since he’s no longer here.

After Wales, I realised that although I felt physically strong again, I didn’t like my body very much (I guess surgery will do that to you?!). I booked some one-to-one Pilates reformer sessions with a local Physio. To begin with, I cried in every session because this type of precise movement showed me how far removed from my body I was. I wasn’t comfortable noticing how I felt about myself, but Lindsay’s patient, gentle and kind approach helped me through it. I think she is a brilliant Physiotherapist but more than that she is a lovely human-being and I never felt judged. I feel a (totally needless) shame around my breast cancer diagnosis and my body was carrying that every day. Working with Lindsay helped to release some of that load and put me back inside my body. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s how I feel! I won’t add her details here, but please let me know if you’d like to contact Lindsay – I highly recommend and feel truly grateful to her.

The rest of 2024 brought another pilgrimage in Wales, late summer, just me and the dog this time, with Covid for company (unknown at the time!) So then there was a long recovery, a burst water-main, some personal sadness and one final push to become qualified as a Lowland Walk Leader just before Christmas.

What a year!

Was I brave? Sometimes, maybe.

Did I grow? Yes – massively.

What am I grateful for?

• people (I’m not good at asking for or receiving support but this year I have felt so supported & I hope you know who you are & how much I appreciate you);
• my beautiful dog (definitely the best-boy ever);
• water (I had never noticed how much I take it for granted until it was missing for six weeks – how lucky are we to have access to clean running water and good sanitation??!);
• time (I have so much time to myself, to use as I wish with no-one needing anything from me and it is both a sadness and a joy, so I choose to focus on the joy it offers);
• another 12 months on this planet (not everyone was that lucky…)

Thank you 2024 for all of it, even the bad/sad/messy bits which serve as a reminder to live a little more and be braver at every opportunity.